I was thumbing through my Val-Pak offerings and what did I find, but a couple of really unusual offers.
The more bizarre of the two was a sale I have never before seen in my nearly 70 years - a coupon which declared Buy One, Get One Free. It was offered by an Indianapolis plastic surgeon! Yep, a plastic surgeon.
There were eleven procedures from which to choose, ranging from a mundane facelift; to abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) for those of you who have not had children or drink too much beer; to a liposuction/including large volume (that would be me - definitely a candidate for the large volume choice).
Oh, decisions, decisions!
Large Volume Liposuction (I hope it includes hips, thighs, and arms as well as tummy) would be my first choice. Then there would be a real battle for second choice between Facelift or Breast Lift.
Getting old is hell!
And if I didn't survive the surgery, then there is another coupon in my Val-Pak envelope that is most opportune - two burial spaces for the price of one, offered by an Indianapolis area cemetery association.
But alas, there is but one of me. However ample that one may be, it is still not enough to fill two spaces. So I'll have to pass on that two-fer offer and continue thumbing through the coupons in quest of a better bargain.
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